– XXIV –

What are the emotions that most directly let you access your Dominance? What feelings do they inspire?

I remember years ago there was a popular belief that “real men don’t show emotion” and “real men don’t go around sharing their feelings” lest they be thought of as being less than. It’s a tiresome trope within the toxic masculinity sphere that exists today. Did I ever subscribe to such gasbaggery? No, I was the kind of kid MY parents called “sensitive” and I wore ,MY heart on MY sleeve. The day MY grandmother passed away, I was 12 or 13 and had MY first mental breakdown. After that, I entered a state of emotional survival, navigating what became the dissolution of MY family. The love was certainly there but, in the end, it wasn’t enough to keep us together. Death and Heartbreak are brutal teachers of Life’s lessons especially for one so young. Within the span of a year, I’D felt like I’D aged two decades, so profound and debilitating was the loss that MY soul had withered substantially. Gone were the days of boyish silliness, bright and raucous in a carefree splendor, replaced by a deep blue period that would shroud every part of MY life in heavy, comforting, suffocating sackcloth. I was deeply depressed and that colored my gaze with a melancholic air. I had seen Death and learned one of Life’s hardest lessons: Nothing lasts, everyone leaves, and you will always be on your own in the end.

Now, I’VE been doing this living thing now for over four and a half decades, half of it begrudgingly, a quarter of it spent in the wiles of prepubescent exuberance, and the remaining quarter in a constant mode of survival. In all that time, I’VE sat with MYSELF and took stock of everything I am, whatever I’VE felt, and pushed MYSELF to understand who I am, where I’VE been, and what I can be. I’VE experienced losses to Death, Time, or Life. I’VE found great Loves and Family. In that time, I’VE strived to understand MY own emotions and feelings.

I’VE been writing and rewriting the answer to this question the past few months. MY writing fell off after the Mister Bolt Leather 2026 Context in late-April. Yes, I know, it’s been a while but life has happening a lot and it’s only now that I’VE felt the drive (and time) to get back into writing.

Most of what’s been causing these false starts were the terms “emotions” and “feelings” and the differentiation between them. What’s the difference when we colloquially use them interchangeably? It stymied ME up til this point but rather than try loosening the proverbial Gordian knot with a pair of tweezers, I’M going to take my mighty sword and cut the fucking thing in half because, in the wise words of somebody somewhere, AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

Dominance has afforded ME a lot of things: Confidence, opportunity, and authenticity. MY Dominance wasn’t given or obtained through quick means, it had to be cultivated and enriched by years of introspection, experimentation, and audacity. If there were shortcuts, I probably wouldn’t have taken them anyway because that just isn’t who I am. It’s not that I enjoy doing things the hard way, it’s that I need to know I’M doing MY best while I’M developing. The makeup of MY emotional intelligence is to comprehend all that finds its way into MY orbit, I need to pulverize everything down to its molecules and freebase it into MY collective bloodstream, experiencing it to its fullest before incorporating into the proverbial meat and juices.

To that, I have to say that Dominance shouldn’t be easy even if one believes they have Dominant qualities. Any hot 19-year-old Dom can throw up an OnlyFans account and start flashing his soles and pits for cash while spouting off things they’ve probably heard in films and music. But quality Dominance requires one to understand oneself before one can understand others. This means gauging motivations, establishing limits, and developing as a person. Dominance operates on morals and ethics, trial and error, learning (and more learning), and wider considerations beyond one’s own world. Dominance is work. Depending on where you’re coming from, that can be a draw or it can be a repellent. It’s neither for ME. I am an ethical, practicing Dominant whose had to learn a lot of life’s lessons the long way around. Much of it not by choice for several reasons. I had to learn how to incorporate it all and formulate MY own brand of Dominance. Was it easy? Fuck no.

The regulation of feeling and emotion is vital to MY Dominance because I take the role and responsibilities seriously. As a Dominant, I take on roles that require ME to facilitate safety and security for submissives that come under MY stead, be it for a one-off scene or an enduring dynamic. To this question, there isn’t a specific emotion that allows ME direct access to MY Dominance because I’M nearly always expressing MY Dominance as a SIR, a Daddy, a Handler, and a Master. It’s manageable because I’VE learned MY limits and MY bandwidth. Personally, effective Dominance isn’t something to be exerted superfluously. I don’t need to be in charge of every room I walk into; nor would I want to be. The mere thought of entering a space thinking I’M the snake’s pajamas gives ME the ick, as the kids say.

Yours In Leather,
SIR Aaron Wolf