– XXI –

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most Dominant? Is there a physical position you prefer your submissive to take in order to express their submission?

Ooh, I know the submissives may like this one because it’s one of the questions I come across most often in varying incarnations. It’s a good question, too.

Presence is a substantial part of Dominant life and every Dom(me) has their own version of physically announcing their Dominance. It takes time and living to cultivate a plausible presence, to be able to inspire a sense of safety, and silently assert oneself just by showing up. It’s taken ME years to build and maintain MY presence, lots of self-discovery and utilizing audacity to forge paths into the Community. I’VE said this before and I’LL continue to assert that MY path has been more fraught than most because of MY Indigeneity.

As an Indigenous person, I am often seen than unseen because I can pass for other more prevalent cultures. I was once called “exotic” in the military, a description I often thought applied to pineapples, colourful birds, or ginormous snakes, and told, “You look like someone who wouldn’t know the language.” I’M sure the intent was meant to be complimentary but it felt sharp and stupid, like being slapped with a gauntlet filled with mud. When I got out of the military and came out, a former supervisor messaged ME: “I didn’t think they made gay Navajos.” These are things I’VE lived with, examples within a life spent fortifying who I am so I that I can navigate the world relatively unscathed. The Indigenous narrative within Leather and Kink is largely untold though We’ve always been here; We just weren’t taken seriously enough to remember.

This was evident during MY first gig as a volunteer photographer for a dinner a few years ago; I was excited to finally be doing something in the Community. Tasked with taking photos, I tried to greet folx and ask to take their photos only to be met with stares equating to, “Who the fuck does this nobody think he is?” Dejected, I asked MY Dad to help ME and he did while bearing witness to how I was seen and unseen. I cried after the whole thing was done, allowing the hurt to do its work, and use the lessons learned to deepen MY resolve for representation. When you live with a broken heart, the scar tissue holding it together makes it stronger, tougher. I’VE been fortunate to come across and know Indigenous Leatherfolx and Kinksters, though these contacts exist as remote islands separated by vast bodies of time. To that, it’s an honour and a privilege to be contributing MY part in the overall story.

Back to presence and this question, is there a physical position that makes ME feel most Dominant? Yes, there is but it’s nothing to write home about. I tend to feel the most Dominant when I’M standing and watching. When I’m at the SF Eagle and it’s a BLUFSF night, I prefer to stand on the terrace and survey the scene to make sure things are copacetic. I’M watching folx walk in, seeing the Bootblack getting work, ensuring the exit doors close completely, and keeping an eye out for folx who want to talk to ME. I don’t adopt a Superman pose or anything like that but, in times like that, I see everyone in the space as MY charge. I want to make sure they are feeling safe enough to have a good time.

To elaborate on the watching part, I prefer to listen to folx and offer MY inputs when the conversation opens up for it. As a Dominant, I’VE found that silence is indeed golden and can either inspire unease or allow someone to open up. I use a steady gaze to let someone know that it’s just them and I in the conversation.

As far as a preferred position of a submissive, I very much enjoy seeing someone at MY feet either on their knees or kneeling to lick MY boots. Beneath MY boots also works, too; I mean, who doesn’t enjoy using a willing subject as a place to rest the feet? Another position I’VE had infrequent contact with is the submissive taking MY smoke; I enjoy cigar and smoke play and it’s few-and-far-between that I’VE enjoyed seeing a submissive taking MY breath and MY smoke. Even more important and invigorating than the position are the eyes, the dreamy cast that the submissive eyes take on when they are in MY thrall. THAT gets me going more than being bowed to or kneeled at. No pair of eyes are the same but it’s those depths that give me a charge.

Honestly, I feel the most Dominant when I’M looking into MY submissives’ eyes as they demonstrate the aptitude for devotion. In those eyes is a love, a trust, a window into possibilities and desire. To know that I inspired that thrall is the ultimate token of appreciation that I never take for granted.

Yours In Leather,
SIR Aaron Wolf