– XIX –

How socially connected are you as a Dominant? Do you look for others to talk to about your Dominance either for support, learning, educating or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in-person or online?

I acknowledge that social connection is necessary; begrudgingly, of course. I am, by nature, someone who relishes my me-time and thrives on being on my own. Though, I do understand that connecting with others is important. The pandemic was a lesson in the human need for socialization. The Pup and I were our own little island with a near-weekly trek to a store with a good buddy. Over time, the distancing became standard and I fell into ease with the enforced isolation. I learned how to enjoy MY own company and felt at ease being alone. When things started opening back up, I was even more uncomfortable around others than before.

Following the pandemic, the Pup and I stepped in our roles in Leather and Kink in earnest. I mean, how couldn’t we after being cloistered away for almost two years? He found his Pup and I found MY Leatherman, together we fostered and supported each other’s journey. I came to San Francisco alone and would navigate the outer edges of the scene alone. It wasn’t until I met MY Dad that the world opened up. I have to say that there’s something to be said about having a partner-in-crime to stand with you especially in the Leather Community where one can only do so much on one’s own.

That said, these days, I am quite connected with many amazing folx from across the D/s spectrum, either as an acquaintance or as a friend. Through the 15 Association and MAsT Sacramento, I’ve made connections with other Dominants and they have been helpful, nurturing even. While We may not be out-and-about having nachos and kicking pigeons together, there is a casual camaraderie. I’VE found that Dominants are OUR own planets with similar cores but vastly different atmospheres. While We may find ourselves orbiting one another, there is an unspoken respect to the distance We keep from each other.

A while ago, at an event, a fellow Dominant remarked, “I’D like to find MY own submissive.” This is a little humorous as I’VE found that the ratio of Dominants to submissives is colloquially estimated to be 1:50. I found it hard to believe that he was not able to “find” someone as there is a larger submissive population out there, if the apps are anything to go by. Maybe I’M wrong, I probably am, but going out and “finding” submissives is not my way. Call ME crazy if you want but I’ VE never liked store-bought pesto either.

So, how does a Dominant connect with other Dominants? Specifcally, how does THIS Dominant connect with other Dominants? I get out and join things because online connections only go so far. I try to have meaningful interactions with folx that do reach out to ME online, either Dominants or submissives. I make MYSELF available for questions, information, and resources. I volunteer at events either helping do setup or doing demos. I show up in Leather spaces in gear. I should up in all spaces in Leather. I conserve MY Dominant energies for MY dynamics and MY scenes. I strive to provide an example of the good things a Dominant can be and work on the things I need to so that can be better.

Being Dominant is hard work but, for me, it’s a labour of love and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Yours In Leather,
SIR Aaron Wolf