– XVIII –

There is a common misconception that the submissive partner in a D/s relationship loses the ability to have and express an opinion. How does communication factor into your Dominance and what expectations do you have in terms of your submissive expressing their desires and needs? Is it limited in time, place or manner?

Back in MY military days, whenever we had a Commander’s Call (A mandatory gathering of the troops to hear the unit leadership talk about stuff while there was real work to be done, sometimes we’d have to wear dress blues which isn’t unlike wearing a starchy, uncomfortable polyester suit for Sunday services), the leadership always touted the ubiquitous “open door policy.” This was almost always met with an internal eyeroll. I imagined some newbie Airman taking the Colonel up on it and getting his striped ass handed to him. The same went for First Sergeants, this supposed ability for anyone who had anything to say at anytime could saunter up to the door, knock and barge in: “Hey, Sa’rnt! So, I have ideas on how we can have even more overplayed classic rock at the mandatory fun unit BBQ next month! Oh, and the Commander’s speech was a fooken snoozer. Maybe you should do something about that.” I never took them up on this policy because I didn’t have the time or really anything to say. Kissing ass was not MY thing even then.

Unlike unit leads, I actually do have an open door policy of sorts, meaning a submissive has the ability to express an opinion/observation/etc. to ME when they need to bring something to MY attention. Like trust, Communication is key if not THE most important thing in a dynamic. In any relationship, really. How else are we supposed to express needs, wants, desires, limits, and fantasies? I don’t know about you but Mummenschanz I am definitely not. I need to hear and read things from MY partners.

If there is ONE expectation I have of MY partners regarding communication, it’s (Drumroll, please.)…directness. If there’s anything that’ll get ME looking for the exits, it’s vagueness and allusion. I believe this stems from a decided lack of flirting skills. Where others can thrive on being flirty and woohoo, I prefer to cut through the bulllshit: ‘When do you want to fuck?” In MY younger years, I was tabling for Equality California (EQCA) and was approached by an attractive chap who signed up for the mailing list. Blind to his little advances, I handled myself as the consummate professional, at once consciously aware and devastatingly clueless: “Thank you for supporting equality, have a great day.” MY tabling mate stepped in next to ME to inform me that, “Dude, he was totally flirting with you!” By then, he was long-gone. A day or two later, sitting in MY apartment, the realization hit ME, “Hey…he WAS flirting…with ME!“

As far as ME flirting, my mind tends to go to some…unusual places for suitable material: “Did you know that a group of hogs can consume an entire cooked human corpse in eight minutes?” or “Hot dog water is a great aphrodisiac if you dab a bit behind each ear and all over each nipple.” or “One time, I was making a sandwich and the knife slipped out of my hand and fell into the toilet.” I’m not wired for flirting, I’D rather tell you I’D like to kiss you or rip you apart or tell you about the things I’D do to you in front of all of these people. This takes ME back to a time when MY Pup posted the above meme illustrating a typical interaction with ME.

If you want to please this Dominant, be direct. I don’t read minds and I’D rather be home shortening MY toenails with a dull butterknife than deal with cutesy, little “It sure would be nice if SOMEONE would come and, I dunno, ravage me right here and now!” inferences. Save the shitshow theatrics for the street corner, you wanna do something? Tell ME and let’s get it done.

I value the inputs from my submissives because I value THEM. So, the misconception that submissives lose the ability to have/express opinions is indeed a misconception…unless it’s agreed-upon for the dynamic. Do not assume I know what you need/want/desire/etc. because I’M a Dom. Your voice matters here, otherwise it’s a one-sided deal and I’M not about that at all.

Of course, there is a time and a place for feedback. When I have you strapped to the St. Andrews Cross and am ready to induce an endorphin storm, that may not be the best time time/place to begin negotiating the dynamic. As the people sez, “Read the room, bro.“

Now, tell me what you really desire…

Yours In Leather,
SIR Aaron Wolf