– vI –

What do you feel are the roots of your Dominance? Do you think it has something to do with childhood, upbringing or parental example? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Oof, the “roots” of MY Dominance, that’s a deep question. I mean, to go back in time and figure out where this Dominant life began, that’s an exercise is in-depth retrospection. That said, I would say that the roots of MY Dominance grew in my later years of high school with the introduction of Marine Corps JROTC. I write about in Day Three. MY freshman and sophomore years were rough as I’d lost someone very dear to ME and that loss reverberated throughout the family dynamic to the point that cracks were starting to show. My Grandmother was a HUGE positive influence who taught ME lots about love and life, She was a staunch defender and an awesome co-conspirator. I was around 12 when She passed, hollow-eyed and haunted in a nursing home miles from Her Native Soil. I believe I felt it that morning when She left, a few minutes before 6AM and I was up, feeling troubled. Then, I went through the school day with an impending sense of doom, like I’d awakened with less than I’D fallen asleep with. Little did I know that MY heart was breaking and would break deeper and wider once I left the school grounds to hear MY brother ask, “So…do you remember Grandma?“

Some find their Dominant roots in the first time they picked up a flogger or saw the beautiful glint of submission in another’s eye. Others find their roots in finally speaking up or stepping into maturity. There is no standard story, no cookie-cutter path; we all find our way into the Savage Garden somehow and in our own time. I believe MY Dominance is rooted in a great loss and the love that came before that great loss.

You see, the taking of MY Angel set into motion a series of events and decisions that resulted in me signing up for Marine Corps JROTC and ultimately enlisting in the U.S. Air Force. So lost and brokenhearted was I that I sought out things the would give ME some sense of control and purpose. As the tectonic plates of the family unit shift further apart, I needed something to ground ME so I could start building MY own little life on MY own little continent. It’s said that the mother is the Heart of the family but what does one do when that Heart becomes arrhythmic and seeks to beat only for itself? In those formative years of adolescence, I had to learn how to live in loss and learn from it on MY own. And THAT is where I believe MY Dominance is rooted.

As far as use as a relationship management tool, in the context of D/s-M/s dynamics, of course. It wouldn’t be D/s without the D (in more than one sense *wink emoji*); however, in relationships, there is equal footing for the most part.

Regarding the sexual thrill, of course there is. I wouldn’t be a Dominant into BDSM if there wasn’t some sexual thrill attached. I enjoy displaying MY Dominance as a Dom in the dungeon or as a Top in the bedroom. When I see a submissive enter the glassy-eyed territory of subspace, I get a thrill. All of this is done consensually and that ups the sexiness of it because I’VE been given permission to access someone’s body, mind, and desires. Dominance, for ME, is using that permission to bring someone into ecstasy or “the floaty space” as I like to call it. It’s also being able to hold space for that person to experience pain and pleasure within the safety of MY embrace and our shared scene. Dominance extends to the care of bring someone off the cross and being present for them as they come back to themselves and to ME. It’s all immensely thrilling and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Yours In Leather,
SIR Aaron Wolf