– III –

How do you know you are a Dominant or have the potential to be Dominant? How do you feel when you express your Dominance?

Who would’ve thought a shy, gay kid from the Dine Reservation would become a Dom in Northern California? I was the boy who used to hide HIS mouth when HE smiled and laughed only to be told not to do that because “only girls do that.” I was the junior high kid who went to school dances to actually dance with MY crew of girl buddies. That would carry on into high school where I was one of but a few guys on the dancefloor actually dancing. Life wasn’t too difficult if I didn’t think about home, school was an escape from a house divided by death and untreated pathologies. Up until MY junior year, I felt lost and wondered if I was doomed to continue ignoring calls of “faggot” from bullies til I graduated and beyond.

If I were to look back, I would say that the potential to be Dominant began in MY junior year when I joined Marine Corps JROTC. Headed by an extremely salty First Sergeant and a debonair hunk of a retired Lt. Col., the program offered structure and guidance within a paramilitary context. I took it to like a duck to water: The military history, the uniforms, the boots, and the opportunity to develop as a young leader. I started as a Platoon Sergeant and the next year became a Platoon Commander at the cadet rank of Gunnery Sergeant. Over the course of the two years, I developed what I call MY Command Voice so that by the time I was 17, I could direct an entire platoon, keep cadence, and think fast on MY feet. It was a wonderful time and it kept ME occupied as graduation loomed. By the time I was ready to ship out to basic with the U.S. Air Force, I’D had two full school years of paramilitary development and training which helped ME immensely throughout MY eight years of service. MY Dominant potential became reality when I eventually progressed to the rank of Staff Sergeant and supervised a 24-hour operations cell with a team of four to five young Airmen. It was there I learned about the Human Condition as I watched MY troops learn, grow, and share their lives with ME. I cared very much for each one and learned how to be stern but gentle, sarcastic yet soothing, and commanding. In the military, I assumed the mantle of Dominant and fortified it with a steely, military infrastructure.

When I returned to civilian life, Dominance was very much a part of ME; however, it had to take a backseat so I could address life issues. The first four years post-military were difficult as I struggled with alcoholism and began rebuilding MY life in recovery following a suicide attempt. When I felt ready to get back into the swing of things, MY Dominance had been dormant for sometime but I was able to revive it slowly and incorporate it into MY new life of sobriety.

So, how do I feel when I express MY Dominance?

I feel like ME, simply put. I feel honest and happy, real. You see, Dominance isn’t something momentary, something confined to a scene or a dynamic, it’s everything to ME. I’ve done the hard work of living and learning, honing MY skills, developing MY knowledge, establishing limits, and alchemizing MY own of Dominance from all of it. Because of this work, I feel pretty fucking amazing when I express MY Dominance because it’s a further expression of ME and the life I’VE created.

Do I feel powerful? Sure, but that’s not one of MY goals. I don’t feel the need to hold sway over someone just because I can. I don’t get off solely on having someone under MY boot or grasped between MY fingers, there’s more to it than that. As a Dominant, I feel power because MY submissives trust ME with their minds, bodies, and desires. I feel the exchange occur when I give them permission to tell ME what they want and need, to allow input so that WE can craft an experience together.

In Tori Amos‘ song, Jamaica Inn, she sings the lyric: “The sexiest thing is trust.” I agree. There is an inherent sexiness when someone trusts ME to guide them through pain and pleasure. When their bodies open up to allow ME access to every part of them and I see the fruits of MY labour when they look at ME, handsome, sweaty, and dazed. The slight smile, the shivering skin, the wide-eyed gaze, these are parts of MY Dominant expression realized through another. In them, I see ME and I know that I’VE done well.

Yours In Leather,
SIR Aaron Wolf