– II –

Describe what you are looking for in a submissive and the techniques you might use to instill those characteristics in your submissive. Are you exclusively Dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you Dominant only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you Dominant to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

First off, let ME say that these questions are by no means perfect and that I am going in to them wholeheartedly blind with no expectations. I haven’t read them through and am reacting honestly as I provide MY answer. I say this because today’s question starts in one place and suddenly veers into other territory, like when the Pup tells ME to go to Aisle 7 for cereal and I come back with three barrels of kosher dills, tickets for a performance of Steamy Hot Pantz: The Musical, and a fistful of stolen scrunchies. It reminds ME of a time back in high school when the class was tasked with a presentation. MY proposal was to open MINE with, “Did you know that elephants are one of the largest land animals on the planet? Well, today I’m going to show you how to make a Waldorf salad.” I do have to commend the OP for is the in-depth nature of the questions though. Alright, let’s get into it.

Describe what you are looking for in a submissive and the techniques you might use to instill those characteristics in your submissive.

I get this question often, “SIR, what are YOU looking for in a submissive?” It’s a valid question, it’s not a favourite. When it comes to considering a prospective submissive, there are a few base things I look for:

• Limits: Yes, limits are important; someone who knows what they are willing and able to do is vital. When someone tells ME they have no limits, it’s a red flag or it tells ME they haven’t had experience enough to develop them or a believe that saying such will somehow impress ME. It doesn’t.
• Needs and Wants: A prospective that can tell ME what they need/want catches MY eye/ear because it means they’ve give some thought to it. If the answer to MY question, “What do you want?,” is “Whatever you want, SIR.,” then MY interest wanes.
• Fantasy v. Reality: A prospective who knows the difference between the hot fantasy of BDSM/Leather and the reality is a good thing to find. I’VE been approached by inexperienced folx who want ME to “beat the shit out them and give them two black eyes” or “throw them into MY trunk and take them away because no one will miss them.” A prospective submissive who can understand that I, as a Dom, have MY own thoughts, limits, and feelings is also highly regarded.

Now, how would I go about instilling these characteristics into someone? It comes down to communication, always communication. Chances are it’ll be a while before a prospective and I even engage in a scene especially if they are new and inexperienced. I can’t instill limits, needs, or wants into someone but I can gauge where they are at and what they are curious about and offer MY experience to quell some of it.

I’m thoughtful and conscientious when it comes to Dominance and that can be repellant to someone who is looking for a quick fix, an insta-Dom. When someone engages with ME, I introduce the reality of D/s, BDSM, and Leather so that they can determine for themself whether it’s worth their time and energy. If they decide to move forward in earnest, then I may entertain the process.

Are you exclusively Dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you Dominant only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you Dominant to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

“Exclusively Dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom,” that’s a strange wording. I would say that I am Dominant in most things when it comes to MY relationships. In MY marriage, I handle much of the household upkeep and do the business side of things like travel arrangements, driving, and cooking. In the bedroom, it depends on the mood, I can be Dominant or I can switch.

As for the rest, I’m Dominant throughout MY daily life that includes play partners and relationships. When it comes to MY spouse and MY Dad, I compromise MY Dominance to allow some power exchange because it provides me opportunity to rest.

I guess this wasn’t all that bad but I am craving a Waldorf salad now.

Yours In Leather,
SIR Aaron Wolf