Take a look back at the last three to five years and tell me how much you’ve given back to your Communities? If you’ve taken the path of splitting hairs and are thinking about how you’ve given back vice how much, then it can be a tough question. It can be even tougher if you’ve been relatively inactive in the area of community service beyond donations and a volunteer stint here and there. The reason why I ask is that the question will likely be asked if you are considering running for a title. The purpose of me writing about this is because I have been asked the question and would like to impart some knowledge and insight.

If you know a little bit about the Leather Community (and you ought to if you are running for a title), you’ll know that the Community has a long history of service. Philanthropy, mentorship, and fostering family are long-standing hallmarks of how the Leather Community gives back. Look at any Leather event and you’ll likely see a beneficiary receiving all or part of an evening’s proceeds. Your region may be fortunate to have an organization or a number of them offering mentorship programming. In the Leather bar space, event organizers and attendees may offer a gloved handshake and hug to make you feel welcome, a part of the Leather family.

On the macrocosmic level, one can see the good that the Leather Community has done throughout history and one can certainly feel proud to be a part of. It’s goodness by affiliation that is all well and great until you decide to lead an organization or run for a title. Then, it becomes microcosmic and the work begins to substantially develop a Community profile.

Personally, it’s taken about twenty years to reach where I am in the Leather Community. I started out cobbling together Leather lewks from pieces I found at Hot Topic and a sweet, silver-trimmed Muir cap I picked up for $10 at an antique faire (I wear it to this day and it has evolved as I’ve evolved.). In those days, I would look at the folx who stepped up to lead and think, “How did they do it?“

I jumped into advocacy and activism for military equality when I left the military; I attended DADT repeal functions and took part in testifying in support of progressive legislation. From there, I joined the Sacramento Valley Leathermen, then the Sacramento Valley LeatherCorps, then I was onboard trying to stand up a Color Guard with the Queer Leather Association of Sacramento (QLAS) until I had to step back to focus on myself. Later, I helped lead a chapter of American Veterans for Equal Rights (AVER) for six years before delving back into the Leather world in earnest especially after the pandemic. Now, I’m the Organizer for BLUF San Francisco (BLUFSF) and a member of MAsT Sacramento, the 15 Association, and the Sacramento Gay Men’s Chorus (SGMC). All of this is to say is that building a profile takes time, energy, and work. If you believe that there is a shortcut to prominence in Leather, then I certainly commend your naivete; however, that was not my experience.

Below are lessons I’ve learned over the past two decades on how you can build your own community profile so that you may readily answer the question, “What have you done for your community lately?“

1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.
   When you’re starting out, it is easy to be pulled in every direction by the cause(s). Calls to volunteer for this event, that event, donate, attend, give, keep on giving; it can all be too much. Before you step out, make sure you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, a healthy body, an even healthier outlook, and a thick skin. Learn to say NO and make time to take care of yourself. Whether it’s activism or hosting an event, how well you’re feeling dictates how things proceed. If you’re in the cause of helping others, ensure YOU are healthy enough to help so that you can do it effectively. I’ve fallen into the trap of trying to help when I was struggling to pull my life together, it resulted in me beating myself up for not doing as well as I thought I could. I’ve since learned to take time for me and it has helped immensely.
   
2. SELF-SUFFICIENCE, PLEASE.
   I was raised to be as self-sufficient as possible since I grew up in a remote place on the reservation. My dad taught me the basics (checking oil, changing tires, etc.), school taught me the technical stuff, and the rest I picked up on my own. Today, I’m able to do the things I need to do without relying on others. Design a website? Sure. Change my cabin’s air filter? Done. Replace my truck’s alternator in the parking lot of an auto parts store? Yes, been there. I can chop wood, whip up a spaghetti dinner, throw together a newsletter, and jumpstart my vehicle without help. I’m able to do all these things because of my upbringing and the hard knowledge that being a doer is often a solitary role. I also come from a background of lesser privilege and thus have had to work a little harder to get things done. Now, that’s MY reality and support is easier to come by nowadays but it didn’t come without extra effort on my part. If you can readily rely on your Community, more power to you; however, I prefer to do thangs the old fashioned way, fueled with coffee and cigars.
   
3. KNOW YOUR ABILITIES & LIMITS.
   Remember that you are a finite resource and that you don’t need to know everything about everything to be effective. A couple years ago, I attended a rope bondage event and was sitting in a too-early course on advanced suspension. Picture it: 9AM, uncaffeinated, cranky, and trying to learn something well-above my skillset. I followed along as best I could and had to stop because, at that moment, I had reached my intellectual limit. The knots became unrecognizable and the tutorial became just…words. My rope partner tried to get me to keep going but I knew I was done. Afterward, I realized that that was an important epiphany for me: As a Dom, I’m probably expected to know everything but I actually don’t need to. I know enough about bondage to enact a good scene but do I need to know how to suspend someone? Not necessarily…and I’m quite alright with that. Whether you are volunteering to set up for a play party or are called on to develop a social media campaign, if you aren’t able to do something, be upfront about it. Like learning to say NO, saying you don’t know can be difficult but it is a valuable skill. These days, when I don’t know something, I just say, “Well, math is hard.,” regardless of the topic and much to the chagrin of my Pup and my Dad. I had to understand what I’m able to do and what I can’t do to be a better leader and follower.
   
4. ALLOW OTHERS TO HELP YOU.
   I am independent and self-sufficient to a fault. If I can do something on my own, I’ll absolutely do it because (1) it’ll get done and (2) it’ll get done right. That is until I notice I did not, in fact, insert Tab A into Slot C as it was laid so now the coffee table has become a shoe tree/feeding trough. In instances like that, SIR reluctantly reaches out for help from the bemused family and friends who looked on as I created a monstrosity. All this is to say that it’s important to be willing to ask for help whether it’s planning a fundraiser, setting up dungeon gear, or drafting up posters. If you’re the lead, learn to delegate and know when to jump in to ensure the task is done. Also, if you need to be reminded to sit, eat, or take a break, listen to it and heed it. When I’m in outreach mode, I have to be told to grab a bite, take a drink, or have a sit otherwise I’m on my feet running my mouth all goddamn day. Depending on the size of the task, having a team to stand with you is invaluable so don’t discount offers for help when they are presented.
   
5. GEAR UP & SHOW UP.
   The best way to develop and fortify your community profile is also the slowest and the simplest: Show up. If you’ve made a commitment to volunteer for an event, show up early and be willing to work. If you’ve made the commitment to attend an event, do your best to show up and give word if you can’t. Before I became BLUFSF‘s Organizer, I took photos, worked as an Ambassador month after month, and learned how to interact with folx. When my predecessor decided to step down, he asked me if I was willing to take the reins. I said yes, knowing it was my consistent showing up that helped him make the choice, he could trust me to be there and that’s how it’s been to this day. Over the years, I’ve shown up at play parties, fetish fairs, parades, contests, and fundraisers consistently (and within my means, of course.) to showcase or teach my methods of impact/sensation play or to simply to attend/represent. The more you show up (in gear or not), the more folx in the Community will note your presence. My method has been to gear up, head to the Leather bar, find a seat, light a cigar, and take in the music with the hope that I’ll be left the hell alone. It doesn’t always work…the point is that I’ve shown up often enough to become a fixture. It takes time to develop that rapport but it does pay off over time. The Leather bartenders will know you by face, the restaurant manager smiles when you shake hands, the young Leatherperson walking in and seeing you for the third gathers up to the courage to approach you to tell you how great you look in your gear.
   
6. DROP NO NAMES, KISS NO ASS.
   As you navigate the Community, you will come across the name-dropper and the ass-kisser, sometimes within the same person. I’ve always found these folx to be tiresome and a bit sweaty and desperate. In the military, I’d seen this person a lot in the young Airman dropping AFI numbers or the green butter bar kissing that sweet Colonel ass. I used to despise them but age has mellowed me out some, I am now merely contemptuous and actively avoid these folx when I can. To use a colloquialism: AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! If I am cornered into a conversation, I demonstrate how little I care about names and status. If you want to impress me, tell me about the things YOU have done to make the world better. Don’t tell me about the time you accidentally ate one of Pina Bouche’s shoes while you were hunting for that Michelin-starred food cart serving matcha-infused, gold-dipped pumpkin dogs in an artisan-baked, cruelty-free cardboard yuzu bun. It’s my experience that folx who drop names and kiss ass often don’t have much in the way of experience and/or achievement. It’s easy to say you you’ve shaken hands with Leather Community “royalty” if it gets you into the VIP line. It’s easy to latch onto the hindquarters of titleholders and known, respected players to obtain adulation by association. Look, I get it, it’s the path of least resistance; however, wouldn’t it be infinitely more satisfying to build your own name with your own hard work and your own achievements? If there’s a name you should be dropping, it should be your own backed by all the good things you do for yourself, your world, and your Community.
   
7. DO THE WORK WITHOUT SEEKING ACCLAIM.
   In a recent MAsT meeting, the discussion turned to leadership and Dominance. My take was that Dominance is an expression while leadership is a subjective aspect that informs and substantiates Dominance. Essentially, leading and Dominating are not same. In the context of developing one’s community profile, one sees more examples of Dominants and Dominant leaders because they tend to sound off more and “own” their efforts. Rather than organizing an event or hosting a fundraiser, it’s their event, their fundraiser, and how much money they’ve raised. Conversely, leaders do the work and don’t seek praise or acclaim for what they’ve done. In the military, I strived to ensure my troops were trained, respected, and protected; I did my best to ensure they were the best person they could be. I didn’t care if I got awards or ribbons but I did give a shit that those under my charge were given every opportunity to succeed and shine. In activism, I consciously steered away from being visible so as to engage in the harder, behind-the-scenes work of advocating for equality. Today, I plan and organize events FOR the community and don’t vie for attention, admiration, or acclaim. I focus instead on ensuring experiences are things worth remembering be it a scene or a fundraising dinner. It helps that everything I do are labours of love and it’s that love for Leather, Kink, and Community that keep me doing the work. The good words that come my way are always welcome and appreciated though not expected or necessary. It’s not bad to want that gold star at the end of the day; however, to expect it all the time invites disappointment and disillusion.
   
8. F*CK THE NAYSAYERS.
   You will run into folx who want to dim your shine, doubt your efforts, and drag you down. This will come from those outside your Community and from within. They will be blatantly critical or passively aggressive with the criticism. You’ll want to lash out, push back, and give up. Don’t. Yes, that’s easier said than done but don’t give in to their games. When I started out in the scene, I wasn’t received with open arms and realized that engaging Community is hard work. It might be easier for others but it took more effort and more time for me to carve out my place. Fortunately, I’m stubborn and thick-skinned but I wasn’t always the latter. There were times I’d break down and have a cry at feeling like I wasn’t a part of, feeling like all the rosy stories of Community were complete and utter bullshit. I had to come to terms with facts that I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and that there will be folx who just won’t like me. It was also clear that I had options of my own: I could allow them to affect me and my work or bypass their bullshit until it effects harm on me, my loved ones, or my Community. I don’t use energy arguing or ruminating on why someone doesn’t like me or what I do. In these instances, I subscribe to the Serenity Prayer and ask myself what control I have over someone else’s thoughts and actions. The answer is always “NONE” so I let it go and move forward. It takes practice but it is extremely helpful once you get the hang of it.
   
9. LET YOUR DEEDS DO THE TALKING.
   Rachel Maddow often reminds her viewers to “watch what they (our elected “leaders”) do not what they say.” I find this saying helpful when it comes to evaluating someone’s communal efficacy. It taps into my critical nature and helps me determine how much energy I might allocate to an effort or a person. Someone who talks more than they do is someone I hold at at least three arms-lengths. As it’s also said, it’s always the quiet ones. As a quiet one, I keep my head down, do the work, and move on. Rarely do I discuss how much I’ve done unless asked or prodded. Even then, I’m reluctant to say much beyond the basics, “Yes, there was an event that raised money for LGBTQ+ kids last month. It was great and I had a good time.” I prefer to let my actions do the talking, partly because talking can be exhausting. I’d rather show you what I’m doing vice yammering on about how to secure raffle auction items to a table leg to discourage thievery. I know I do a lot of good, I just don’t have the desire to crow about it unsolicited. One last point on this, I’ve found that, in the Leather Community, nothing happens until something happens. If you find a need/want in your Community for something (i.e., a discussion group, a dedicated Leather night, etc.), that may very well be the thing for you to take on. In that case, start small and plan well in advance so you can build up to the event itself. When I became BLUFSF Organizer, I wanted to bring BLUF to Sacramento and I hemmed/hawed about it for a little bit before taking the plunge. I contacted the Bolt and asked if I could do a trial run of BLUFSF CUERO every other month. When the bar approved, I sqweed internally before getting to work putting details together. It’s worked out well and it’s been great to be able to bring folx out on a frequent basis while also fundraising for local causes. The point is I wanted to share BLUF with my local community so I did the work to make it happen. Whenever I hear about someone taking the lead on building something where they are at, it makes me smile because that’s how building a name and building Community works with selfless audacity and community-motivated drive.
   
10. IMAGE MATTERS.
    Roll your eyes all you want but the truth is presentation is but one key when you are building yourself up in the Community. The topic of one’s image may raise hackles as it taps into something fundamentally rife with and informed by personal insecurity. The interwebs are saturated with the posing and the preening, the rise of the influencer has led masses to believe that personal success is tied to primping, plumping, injecting, and slathering your body in “all natural” stuff. The barrage of “influence” barely disguises the real motivation: Money. In the Leathersphere, the stand-and-model (S&M) crowd is quick to tell you what it means to be a “real” Leatherperson, that you have to have all the best Langlitz, go to all the international places, and fit into the Tom of Finland mold to belong. BDSM/Kink is not immune as there are countless accounts of folx touting what it means to be a “real” Dom/sub/Pup/etc. The One True Way of being as prescribed by books from times before, pitting so-called Old Guard and New Guard against one another. You aren’t respected unless you look/think/act a certain way. As an Indigenous Leatherman, I’ve had to forge my way into the Community, trying just a little harder to be seen and heard because, in my opinion, the Indigenous narrative in the Leather Community is largely untold though We have always been here. As such, I’ve learned something that has largely helped me overcome the bullshit: Authenticity. What does that mean? It means I’m unapologetically a Leatherman, a Dominant, and a decent Human being. It means I don’t need the world to tell me who I should be and what I should do with my Humanity. My Leather image is informed by the Leatherfolx from the 1970s to the 1990s, it’s an homage to the generation of Leathermen we lost to AIDS. It’s a harkening back to the gritty, sexy days of disco and darkrooms. The Leatherman you see is another chapter in the story with an Indigenous twist. Being authentic is simple but it took a lot of living and learning to get here, and it may take more or less effort for you. First, I had to acknowledge that I am not perfect and that I alone control who I am and what I want to be in this world. Second, I understand that perfection is bullshit, status is fleeting, and seeking validation from others is a drain of my lifeforce. Third, I exist for me and for those I’ve chosen to be in my life. I know that I don’t need to know everybody to be somebody, that I am enough and I fucking matter. Fourth, I know that I can pull off any gear I put on because it’s not the label sewn or imprinted on the Leather that matters, it’s the sexy, authentic fucker underneath that makes it work. Finally, I strive to take care of myself, mentally and physically. I listen to my body and act accordingly, I don’t listen to FaceySpace “influencers” or anyone touting what it means to be “real.” I’m real in that I’m corporeal and I know my skills, limits, talents, and goals. I work to address the mental health issues I have acquired and do the upkeep with appointments and treatments. I am confident in who I am and what I can do, and that has imbued me with the abilities to walk tall and take no shit. I laugh when I feel like it, cry when I need to, and live how I want to. Authenticity takes work but it’s worth it once you’ve attained it, the freedom from external “influences” is, well, pretty damn freeing. To that end, all of this wasn’t instant and, with that, on to the next point.
    
11. BE DILIGENT & PATIENT.
    When I first started out in the scene following the pandemic, I volunteered to take photos at a dinner. I was excited as this was one of my first major forays into the Community. Armed with my camera and knowing practically no one, I walked around asking to take photos and was promptly ignored. I was met with looks that said, “Who the fuck are you?” That was my first impression of the scene and, feeling dejected and rejected, I asked my Dad for help because no one was seeing me. Things got a little better with his aide but I left that night feeling pretty fucking lonely. Stepping into a Community can be difficult, scary even, and some communities are more welcoming than others. My Pup’s entry into the Pup Community, for example, was relatively easy. Leather, on the other hand, I found, was tougher to break in to; no pun intended. The past three-plus years has been an exercise in patience and diligence and it’s paid off. I’ve volunteered, attended, demonstrated, and connected with folx throughout the Leather Community. I’m not going to lie, building a name in the Community takes time, energy, funding, determination, and support. If you want community, you have to become a part of it. Listen to to the elders, learn and respect history, show up honestly and earnestly, keep your word, and be judicious with your time and energy. Rather than ‘faking it til you make it,’ learn and practice so that you don’t have to fake it. If you want to learn from someone, do not assume they’ll approach you so take the initiative to ask. Finally, work to build a support network of family, chosen and blood, who will stand with you when you succeed and when you fall because you will. I have fallen on many occasions and am immensely grateful to have folx to lean on. At 45, my circle of friends is small but that small group is infinitely better than knowing 2,000 folx who only know me by face, name, and what I put out there. Again, I don’t need to know everyone to be someone. You don’t either.
    
12. ENJOY THE WORK.
    The last bit of advice I’ll give you is this: Enjoy the journey of building your community profile. You will experience downs with the ups, true, but relish the ups and know that you are doing the work for yourself. That’s an important point: You’re doing this for YOU, not because it’s expected of you by others. The peer pressure may be strong for you to work to build your name; however, I encourage you to do things when YOU are ready to do them and it feels right for YOU to do it for YOURSELF. Use your passions to building that profile. If you enjoy writing, create a repository for your work. If you’re an artist, create the art and display it proudly. If you’re an activist, find groups that align with causes dear to you and engage. For me, everything I’ve done for the last 20 years has been a labour of love be it working for fellow Veterans, organizing a BLUFSF dinner, or attending a Leather title contest. I don’t do anything I don’t enjoy or have some love for and that has guided me to where I am today. I created this website out of a desire to share what I know with the world and to engage in the ongoing conversations of Leather and Kink. Now, I’m running for a title and I’m doing it for ME as well as to represent my Communities. Enjoy the work of becoming known for your efforts but do not let the attention become your sole objective. Work within your means and keep your scope narrow to start with. The world is pretty fucked up and entering the space with the intent to fix all the problems right off the bat is a wondrous shortcut to instant burnout. Understand the issues before you try to address them and do so with the intent of actually addressing the matter while keeping ego out of it.