To say that the last few months have been difficult is an understatement, the rise of a corrupted regime with its army of incompetents, grifters, idiots, and dangerously ignorant have thrown the nation into a disarray. The misinformed fervent that voted this shitshow into production are finally beginning to see the error of their ways as EVERYONE is touched by the dirty, dark hand of the administration. It’s all fun and games until the flamethrower is turned on you, isn’t it? At this point, turning to the affected red hatters and snidely saying, “I told you so,” doesn’t do anything for me and really doesn’t help anything. If anything, my perception for the shitshow voters started with disdain, then disgust, then disappointment, and has morphed into an unsympathetic pity tinged with concerned disregard. The mindset being, “YOU helped make this happen and I hope you’re fucking happy with whatever comes or is taken away.” Fortunately, I don’t have any red hats in my life and, if I do, they’re likely been cowed into silence as America struggles not to fade like a Marvel blip.
I’ve been affected directly and that’s the reason I’ve haven’t updated SirAaronWolf.com since January. My last post pertained to the Durk Dehner situation on January 12th and things went dark. It’s no coincidence that my writing stopped after January 20th when the keys to the nation were turned over.
I’m not going to go into the details of the regime, that’s not my purpose here. You can pull up the news, the social media, look out your window, or visit a coffeeshop to get the gist of what’s going on. What I want to share with you is what’s been going and what’s going to happen in my Leather Life.
The Bad Parts
First and foremost, I’m now looking for work after 22 years of federal service; eight years military and 14 years agency. From the first week of the regime, my work life has been upended. The infamous “Forks in the Road” and “Five Points” emails came my way, then the almost-hourly messages as changes were implemented due to the ongoing flurry of executive orders. One day, I’m being offered the option to quit. The next day, that’s rescinded. The next day, I’m told that I will no longer be a remote worker. The next, there isn’t a space for me to move to just yet but I should be ready. The next, there is no more union protection. Meanwhile, the unions continually post videos of politicians’ speeches and calls to action but issuing no guidance on what I should be doing at the practical level. Complaints filed weeks ago have gone unanswered. There is no direction and there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel that I can see. All this and I feel like I’m the sphere in a never-ending inning of crackhead kickball. Succinctly, I’m demoralized and ready to move on. Sure, I could try to stick it out til I qualify for early retirement but that’s another three years away and three years in this environment is not doable, not when my mental health is battered on a weekly basis. After what seems like three months of near-weekly breakdowns, I made the difficult decision to leave federal service. Sitting at the table, I emphatically declared, “I’m fucking done. I’m tired of this bullshit and I’m. Fucking. DONE.” So now, I’m on this hunt for work, anything but federal. Will I return when this all blows over? At this moment, it’s a resounding NO; the federal realm has devolved into a wonderland of fuckery that I am just not willing to live and work in.
Work has been the largest blockage, the second hindrance has been the ongoing battle to keep myself afloat mentally. Living with PTSD and depression, I’ve found myself struggling to manage some level of hope and optimism when I venture into the world. I’ve tempered my news consumption and tried to limit my social media exposure. Unfollowing news providers has worked wonders and unfollowing friends who engage in constant doom-posting has helped. But then, there are the myriad attacks on my Communities IRL: LGBTQ+, Veterans, federal workers, unionized workers, Indigenous people, the mentally ill, the disabled. No one part of any Community that makes up who I am has escaped the bullshit. I’ve been heartened to see that We the actual People are finally gathering and pushing back. The same goes for the courts and some of our elected officials, though it took too long but there are official actions finally taking place. That said, these have afforded me some comfort and hope but it’s knowing that the pace of progress in the judiciary and the legislative is akin to watching frozen molasses slide down a 10-degree incline against a 100 MPH wind. The same with the unions and their grievance processes. I’m slated to begin working in an actual office on Monday after nearly four years as a remote employee. I have a possible space but possess no key to the building nor is there a guarantee that I’ll have a workstation to use. Come Monday morning, I’ll be in line with 100+ others trying to get access to office spaces rush-jobbed into being operational. While my commute is 75% less than my previous worksite before the pandemic, the fact stands that the space will not be workable. But who cares? The head of my current agency sure doesn’t and the microwaved cast of rat jerky assholes in DC for sure don’t. Monday should be interesting, for fucking sure.
The Good Parts
It’s not to say that there haven’t been great things to counterbalance the chaos of the past few months. There have some some remarkable things that’ve occurred.
The largest development has been assuming the role of Organizer of BLUF San Francisco (BLUFSF). I’ve officially assumed the mantle of leading Northern California’s BLUF group, succeeding Master Ghee Phua who headed the organization for the past few years. For those who don’t know about BLUF, it stands for the Breeches & Leather Uniform Fanclub. Headquartered in the UK, BLUF has worldwide reach and recognition within the Leather Community. I joined in early-2023 and, up until that time, I’d regarded BLUF as exclusive only to “real” Leathermen who wore ties and had the best gear. The dresscode was also a deterrent as I didn’t think I had the gear to get in. Putting aside my hesitancy, I took gear photos, attached them, and applied. Three days later, I received notification that I’d made it in. Welcome to BLUF, 3341!
I started officiating BLUFSF events in February with the monthly BLUFSF HARD at the SF Eagle. This weekend was my fourth official night and I’ve been enjoying every moment of it. Being able to tell folx about BLUF and it means to me to be a member has been rewarding. In March, I was proud to bring BLUF to Sacramento in collaboration with 2025 Mr. Bolt Leather Colin Gallagher for BLUF Night at the Bolt. I’ve taken time to speak one-on-one with folx at every night, connecting through Leather and cigars, gathering reactions to ideas I have in shaping BLUFSF for the future. I am currently working on future Sacramento dates and the 15th Annual IN GEAR Dinner in July.
Another great thing has been attending the monthly play parties with the 15 Association. The past few months have seen my dance card full with guys seeking experience under my hand. As a Dom, there are few things more rewarding than seeing the dazed and adoring faces of subs I’ve worked on. The knowledge that I’ve brought them to “the floaty place” is sometimes more intoxicating than the act itself. Every scene is a labour of love, a drawn moment of sensual poetry, a playlist alternating beat and breath, cold and pain and kisses mingling in verses punctuated by choruses of cries and sighs. I leave the parties tired and satisfied, the Domspace high providing me at least two-weeks respite from the chaos.
I’ve found that community involvement is a welcome salve to the craziness and I have been enjoying my rehearsals with the Sacramento Gay Men’s Chorus (SGMC) as we prepare for upcoming performances in May and June. I’ll be posting more about them as the dates get closer. I’m a Bass with the chorus and have enjoyed my time with them immensely. The weekly rehearsals are a welcome escape and I love wearing my Leather in the front row.
Finally and certainly not the least have been the connections I’ve made over the past few months and the connections I’ve had for years. My Partner/Pup and Daddy have both been immeasurable sources of Love and support. They’ve seen me through breakdowns and rages, always ready to offer words of support, a hug, and kisses. The good friends I’ve had for years have been great sources of support and laughter as well.
I’ve made several new connections, too, that I am hoping to foster into stronger bonds. Folx I’ve met at the Eagle and the Bolt or at other Leather events, I’ve found myself engaging in remarkable conversations. I’ve also found myself being a source of advice and information which is a relatively new phase. It seems somewhere along the way, I’ve become a go-to guy, a mentor even for curious, young Leathermen. This has been surprising and humbling given that I’d never thought I’d be in such a role but here I am. It’s not scary, it feels natural, and I’m able and willing to be the Leatherman they need to help them on their Journeys.
To be honest, I needed to get this out into the world; if not for the curious, then for me. I’ve been feeling all sorts of out of whack and the pressure has been building to get something out to you, my audience. Mostly, I needed to let you know that I’m doing as well I can be considering the state of things. I’m still here, I’m alive, a little banged up but I’m here.
I suppose there are a lot of us out here feeling banged up. If you are, please ensure you’re taking care of yourself especially if you are a part of affected Communities and there are very few that have escaped the hurting hands of the era. We’ve got a long way to go until we see some kind of respite from the storm that has engulfed us. There are going to be more storms to come so we’ve got to stick together, seek one another for comfort, camaraderie, and protection.
Find your joy, the things that bring you measures of happiness, pleasure, and safety, and hold on to them. Bring good people into your life, people who will stand beside you when you need to cry, rage, laugh, or just need someone to stand with you. Learn to advocate, get active, and defend yourself and those bearing the brunt of the blows. Take time to rest and recuperate, find goodness in yourself and your fellows. Most of all, don’t give up. The world needs you.
Sir needs you.
A Dominant's Diary 
One response to “Occlusion”
Mi amigo….
My belief is, we are witnessing the destruction of that old world that the red hat crowd wanted to return to….
You have expressed so intimately and personally the damage being done, to both the country and to you personally.
To build the new world, to allow the new world to be born we have to have a vision of where we want to go. It appears you’re taking that first step into the future.
. Ronn Darwin
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