26 June 2024

Vulnerabilities aren’t easy for some to admit to having. Given how much the world impresses upon us the need to be resilient, steadfast, and perfect, it’s easy to bypass the darker side of one’s Humanness.

The week has not been an easy one for Sir. Following an amazing weekend performing in a sold-out, four-show run with the local gay men’s chorus, I found myself immensely humbled by a case of COVID, my second or third. I can’t remember but that’s moot, the point is that this is happening here and now and it’s only today, the third full day, that I’ve felt some strength to engage in the world again.

Thanks to my first cup of coffee in three-plus days, I’ve felt a small fire to let you know what’s happening and maybe reflect on things a little bit. After all, I’ve been confined to the house with nothing but my work, my thoughts, streaming TV, and a growing need to be back out in the world again. I feel like I can empathize with ghosts as I’ve hardly left the property so as not to risk spread of this malady that is still a present part of the collective human experience.

I was riding high from the weekend, four shows completed, I got to see my best friends, my Daddy, and my Pup over three days. I got to do my part in creating an amazing experience for the community. Filled a silent sense of pride, I was satisfying exhausted and content for a few hours. The stage miles away, my sweat-tinged costume cooling, I treated myself to a long, hot shower and lay down for a spell.

In that quiet time, the discomfort in my throat intensified accompanied by a tightening in my head as if the tissue surrounding my skull was being cinched at several points. I had experienced this feeling before and know what it could mean. Walking to the hall closet, I took out the box of at-home tests and did what needed to be done.

Two quick swabs, three drops, and fifteen minutes later, the result was what I’d expected and didn’t want.

Humanity is dynamic, sometimes slow as molasses, other times whiplash-quick as Fate flicks its wrist steering the soul into good or the grim. Fifteen minutes was all it took to bring me back from the performer’s high and shackle me into isolation and observation. I expected the result, yes, but it’s apparentness was still remarkably jarring.

I jumped into action and fortunately acquired a virtual appointment to obtain a prescription for Paxlovid. This was Sunday night and I would have to wait til Monday morning for the Rx to be filled. I enacted my contingency plan of isolating myself from the Pup by sleeping in my office and it was an uneasy rest. Exhausted from the show and this new stress, I fell into a sweat-filled sleep knowing I had a mission to fulfill.

I spent Monday resting before heading out to grab my medication; I took it as soon as I got to my car. Masked, I silently searched the supermarket for my sick essentials (soup, orange juice, crackers) and some creature comforts (cherry poptarts, cranberry pineapple juice, spicy ramen) before returning home. Hunkering down, I immediately began my processes of rest and recuperation.

Monday was difficult, the worst thus far, as my head pounded, my nasal passages feeling filled with shards of ice and metal, and my body aching. The Pup jumped into action, moving from the bedroom to the living room, and washing the bedclothes so I’d be comfortable. He cooked dinner and I was grateful for the meal.

Tuesday was scores better and I attribute it to the medication administered early in the onset. My appetite returned full-force and I ate throughout the day. The Pup made dinner and once again I was grateful; this Sir is very lucky to have such a Good Boy.

Today is Wednesday and I am much improved though still on the mend. I’ve dutifully taken my doses and am monitoring my temperature, thus far there has been no fever and my lungs remain clear. I am fatigued but not achy. I’ve also had my first cups of coffee since Sunday morning and feel like zooming through time this afternoon. It’s a good feeling and I’m under no illusions that I’m completely well. I’m happy for the pick-me-up, for this sense of caffeinated familiarity.

While I am heartened by my progress, I’ve been troubled by the news that many of my fellow chorus members have fallen ill since Sunday. The virus has also latched onto loved ones. Though I know we’re in better times than those hard, frightening pandemic days, I feel fear and concern. While I am vaccinated, boosted, and take measures to mitigate infection, it still occurred. That’s not to say that all of it was for naught, the fact that I’ve taken these measures ensured that this occurrence was not as bad as it could’ve been had I been completely unprotected. To that, all I can say is SELF-CARE IS PARAMOUNT.

This week, I also got news that a fellow Leather Community member came under harm and that has weighed on me some while I’ve been cloistered away. I wish I could be out there carrying out my original plans to stand alongside them but all I can give right now are distant words of support and be present for a call.

In closing, before I take some time to rest tonight, I impart to you what I sent when I heard the news and know that this applies to everyone of you out there wherever you are:

I’ve got your back. Heal quick & come back stronger. Take care.